My buddy (and former AEI colleague) Ted Frank, who blogs at Point of Law, runs the Center for Class Action Fairness. CCAF’s sole and wholly salutary purpose is to blow up collusive, plutocrats-of-the-world-unite-and-screw-the consumers settlements between class action lawyers and corporate defendants who, if it weren’t for the trial bar, would deserve everything the trial lawyers dish out to them (and then some). (Disclosure: I serve on CCAF’s Board.) The world hates Ted but once in a while, he finds an impartial forum, as here.
To summarize one of the funniest appellate arguments I’ve yet heard:
Mr. Frank: Your Honors (Judges Bauer, Easterbrook, Posner), I have one minor procedural point and a point of professionalism: I can cite precedents and page numbers in F3d, in the unlikely event that Judge Posner should care. That said, I cede the entirety of my argument time to get out of the way of the coming train wreck.
There follows an extended colloquy between the plaintiffs’ lawyer and the judges.
Lawyer: I have a perfectly fine case for collecting fees for a lawsuit that makes my nominal clients worse off. Here’s my argument: WALMART!!
Judges (in umpteen variations): Are you saying what you just said because your obviously baseless case requires it, or are you actually that stupid?
Mr. Frank, on rebuttal: I have one more FSupp cite but mostly I want to be out of here.
Game, set, match. Congrats.